September 2012

“Toby Tucker sounds like the name of a wholesome All-American boy with a paper route and a collection of vintage baseball cards. But what’s in a name? Tucker’s one hot fucker!

This Alabama native is a bodybuilder now training for an upcoming competition, which is why he’s sickeningly shredded for Paragon’s expose-it-all. When not lifting or pumping, Toby likes to play guitar and chase women who like to flirt and “cut loose” (not just on the dance floor). Later he goes home to his loving wife who likes to dress him up in skimpy underwear and blow up her Instagram account with the #hardevidence.

Toby’s been erotic nude posing for years, and this month he gives Paragon all that flexed ferocity plus dessert – a fluid-filled finish! That strict training diet may not permit him to swallow so much as a tic-tac, but that doesn’t stop you from feasting on Toby’s heaping meat, carrot and potatoes. Dig in!”

September 2012

“Viewer indiscretion advised! On a recent Florida scouting mission, we caught Magic Marshall doing a lubed up strip number and immediately signed him up for Paragon greatness. A huge part of his sex appeal is that dashing smile. A smile is not only winning, it let’s everyone know Marshall loves being objectified! Hit the PH and watch the spunk fly!

Weighing in at 195 pounds, this creamy stud idolizes the respected humanitarian and icon, Jessica Simpson. Marshall is, after all, only 21 and Jessica probably does smell nice. Also her big mouth could open wide enough to wrap around his hog (teeth marks, however, cannot be ruled out). Marshall’s turgid cock is not unlike the ready and rigid tail of a Pointer upon sniffing out a pheasant.

His tattoo reads “Veritas and Equitas” which, of course, is Latin for LOVE ME LONG TIME. Who wouldn’t? Marshall is the one in the family that all siblings hate because he got ALL the good genes and they were left with only the scraps. Everything is so satisfactual, there’s a bluebird on his shoulder!”

September 2012

“Chris Tyler is happy to see us – and the feeling is mutual! We’ve got a shameless crush on this freshly squeezed Florida pro(duce)! There is simply more to love. Mischievous smile, delicious ass (thanks for the close-ups for our tonguecam™), and the fact he has three balls in his sack! Each one the size of a lemon! Oh, the bounty.

Evolution has arrived. “Now with triple the flavor!” reads the ad campaign for an anatomical anomaly that would definitely take gold at the teabaggers convention. There may even be a few blissfully suffocated casualties.

This triple threat is 24, 5’8”, manscapes impeccably, and drives fast cars to meditate. Chris identifies as bisexual (they’re greedy, but they exist!), but with sex, it’s only one partner at a time because he “doesn’t like to share”. Did Kindergarten fail him?

Sharing is caring! Which is precisely the reason he’s been mounted on the Paragon pedestal to shoot (and be shot) to please all and sundry. Sometimes, he uses two hands to stroke his juicy fat beef. He could use a third. As noted, that’s the charm!”

September 2012

“‘Nobody asked me to do porn because of my FACE,’ says XXX hung Derek Anthony. Not that his face couldn’t model itself, but save that for HSN and let’s sell the NSFW merchandise. Derek’s powertool is so big he gets faint with each swelling erection. It’s so hefty you could hang towels on it, do the limbo under it, use it as a barbell. This ain’t hyperbole. Go on, poke an eye out in our PH!

As this silver sensation gets older, he gets bolder. Derek’s comfortable with his suit fetish, or being gay and having sex with women when the production calls for it. Other duties involve being a caregiver to Alzheimers patients. Imagine the thrill seniors enjoy when meeting gorgeous Derek each day… for the first time!

For variety, he enjoys the Pacific Northwest and Hawaii, and he believes laughter can save lives. One sexual fantasy involves being a cat burglar; climbing into a bedroom window via a rope and ravishing its occupant. Whether this fantasy qualifies as a “legitimate rape” will be decided by a Republican congressman.

Derek is honest in a town (Hollywood) that doesn’t cope well with blunt truth. Can’t handle the truth? Try handling this legendary purple-helmeted catapult! Sorry, was that tactless? Disclaimer: Paragon Men is no longer affiliated with Miss Manners.”