November 2011

“Jeepers, creepers, where’d you get those thighs?! Vinnie Diesel (not to be confused with another buffed – yet inferior -Vin) shakes his caramel bom bom perfection on stage at La Bare Miami, where his mouth-watering performances culminated in his raging star-billed performance this November at Paragon Men! He was referred to us by several of his dedicated female fans, including one woman who travels to South Florida for monthly fixes from Vinnie. Needless to say, when he strips for the ladies, there’s not a dry seat in the house!

The swirling tattoos (oh, to be ink – injected!) are reminiscent of mythic Mayan god Quetzalcoatl, but this Latino legend of epic proportion is a Cuban export. Stop the embargo! Here’s a dictator worth looking up to/at/for! He’s very open-minded and once had sex with three men and two women at the same time, proving sexuality is but an existential question spectacularly solved! Vinnie sports a shaved, thick and throbbing Cuban cigar that both smolders and eXXXplodes hot and sticky in our Penthouse. Wipe your brows, they don’t call him the Sperminator for nothing!”

November 2011

“Ace is in the hole! Yup, he loves the butt. And we love his – even if we first saw it covered in a leopard print furkini! What’s with the unfortunate return of animal prints? But if you don’t like something Ace is wearing, you simply ask him to TAKE IT OFF. He obliges, and your eyes careen ravenously down his cum gutters to that hulking cock, anxiously building for a pent-up release.

This slick jet-black haired beauty is an expert video editor and web developer – at least when he’s not posing or working out. And he once had sex on a football field – right on the 50 yard line, just like what happened to Bette Midler in the The Rose. He was arrested for indecency for that offense, but when bailed out of jail, he was overheard telling his arresting officer, “Don’t think I’ve learned a lesson from this!” Amen.

Indecency is a virtue with lucky Ace – and we’re betting fan reaction will bring him back to pump it out for a Penthouse redux. We’ll promise him anal for a week!”

November 2011

“Baby, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Heaven, in this case, is the back of his father’s sedan where Francis was steaming up the windows and busting the shocks in an orgy to rival a scene from Caligula. That is, until he fell out mid-thrust and bruised a kneecap.

Francis may be one sexy, (st)ripped demigod (watch him explode in our Penthouse!), but he likes others with strong values and character and that means he won’t lie to impress you! But he will showcase his granite body – something he’s been doing for years. In fact, we’re not legally allowed to tell you how old he was when he first started putting that power pole into horny holes.

We’ve been stalking mighty Francis for years– first in NYC at Adonis Club, later in Atlanta at Swinging Richards – where we finally pinned him down for your knockout pleasure! With that sultry stare, fuzzy beard, juicy helmeted uncut cock and brawny back – he’s the one you’ve been warned about. When Francis offers hard candy to crawl into the back of daddy’s sedan, submission is mandatory.”

November 2011

“His motto: “Learn the hard way” – ok! Because the soft way ain’t gonna please nobody! This barely legal boy-bomb stunner went to cooking school but ditched the wooden spoon because olive oil can’t compare to greased lightning! Justin loves cars too much!

Since 16, he’s owned, souped up and pimped out a Mustang, TransAm and a Nissan 200Z. He loves making them speed – which is what that tempting, taunting “Live Fast” tattoo is all about. Waving an enthusiastic checkered (full mast) flag to that, Justin!

He’s easily transfixed by romantic eyes and smiles – but Justin puts on the brakes with obnoxious girls. Though his favorite hobby is being naked, lately his sexual fantasies have come to involve costumes like Alice in Wonderland. ‘Nuff said?

Breathtakingly baby-faced, this kid lays VERY thick pipe – without an ounce of exhaust. Is that a hairdryer tugging at his tighty-whiteys? He gets spark plugs going with a cock spouting the diameter of a 12oz can of Jolt cola – that fizzes when shaken! Head over to his XXX Penthouse splash and watch what pops up!”

November 2011

“Here’s a silver fox we won’t be swapping for an iPod! Meet Joe “I’m an exhibitionist” Bruno, our real man of November. He won’t be caught dead wearing much more than a cockring. It leaves far too much to the imagination!

A Palm Beacher, this hard-bodied bear (and man about the world) left the glistening sands via New Jersey to Colorado but fell victim to the snares of marriage. Learning the error of his gays, he pierced his cock, donned a harness and has been braying at the boys ever since. Now in Ft Lauderdale, he makes men look gorgeous – as an expert barber. Yup, he’ll bend over backwards for better bangs. *Spoiler alert: Verification found in the Penthouse!

Don’t ask Joe what he’s into – he much prefers to show (off). And this chiseled chopper takes all comers – short, tall; hairy beary to muscle Mary. A fan of whips and chains (sha na na na na), this leather clad lover makes each date feel like the only girl in the world – but don’t buy him a beer!

This stud has flown sober for three years thanks to the aid of AA (we’ll add another A for effort!) So buy Joe a cup of Joe. He’s big on coffee. In fact, he’s big on most things. Click, see… and slurp!”