March 2012

“Fill ‘er up, stud! After a sweaty lube job and rub in the Paragon Penthouse, auto-enthusiast Brolly lost a litre of hot oil and needs a top up! This Brooklyn-bred Chevy freak gives his mighty pistons a prime 42-point inspection no responsible driver would elect to miss!

Brolly is prolly smart, but who cares? He’s a tall as model with hairy long legs that lead to a juicy tubesteak (aka the Brolly-dog) which once (accidentally?) shot a wad in some chick’s eye. She stood up, screamed, and ran into a wall. So yeah, he’s single.

The nicest thing he’s done on a date is wear a really tight shirt to better show off that muscle-swelled physique. His philosophy? The smaller the shirt, the bigger he looks. 13 year-old fan girls: Brolly accepts t-shirt donations!

He now lives in California and works on cars, as well as races them. He also likes to skate, cook and (prick up those…ears!) he’ll try anything because, “you never know if you might like it”. We’re certainly liking that gorgeously unreadable face, meaty back, long dick and big babymaking balls – we’re liking it so much we may be up for a frantic squirt in the ol’ eye!”

March 2012

“Is anything more pleasing than a prodigious penis? Smooth operator Enrique Bueno gives a scintillating XXX show of his shaved, turgid, hefted, curving up (to hit all the right spots!) cock. Sorry to be superficial, but what are you doing here? Looking to take long walks on the beach? And what else do you do with a 6-foot stud packing a battering ram of a bod, overinflated cock and a 17.5-inch neck? You hold on for dear life as he goes to town!

Bueno gives us a whale of his whopper, and the scorpion tattoo seals this metaphor of a man. He lives in Vegas – continuing to gamble on its 24/7 loose slots. And win! That is, until he recently asked a girl’s father if he could take her out and was rejected as “trouble”. That’s what you get for asking permission! Don’t go getting all old-fashioned, Bueno, it’s not in your nature. Just take what you want. Why? Because you can!

He told us of past romances, lamenting, “regrets and mistakes are memories made”. We thought he was speaking in bumper-sticker, but turns out he was quoting Adele. Yeah, Enrique is a sucker for sappy songs and fat chicks. A combo that will keep him wanting for NOTHING. Ever. Scorpion, sting it!”

March 2012

“Everyone went whole hog – and we do mean they gave us the FARM this month! Get ready for a Penthouse full of behind-the-scenes and rock hard self-satisfaction with barnyard orgasm for all!

Is it spontaneous combustion or immaculate conception? All we know is that Jessie Colter is a perky little pocket rocket who’s all (s)ASS. He’s got more junk in the trunk than you can possibly pawn in a lifetime of lust. Which is why we recently began following this porn pup’s twitter account – for nasty nuggets like, “I’ve lost my butt plug… where has it run off to?”

Mischievous Jessie turns it on big time for the camera, and those crystalline blue eyes don’t hurt either! This Kentucky-raised stud directs dance videos in his spare time and can get aggressive in bed. After we spotted a few bruises on his bod (pay extra attention to his sexxxy pictoral) he said the day before he’d been on a fetish shoot. Yes, porn is punishing work!

His furry stomach and snail trail are just the spunk we seek – and best of all he’s living life and loving it! Where has that butt plug run off to? Who cares? Seek fuckable Jessie instead!”